I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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