then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
