my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
