WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
