Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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