I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I need to stop coming to work sober
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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