It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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