I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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