I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
