I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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