My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
