Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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