after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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