I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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