I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
