Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
