Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
