From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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