I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
