I just pynch a tree in the face
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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