this boner is exhausting
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's never too late to be topless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
