remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
