Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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