I haven't been this sober since birth.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
