I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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