D3 body, D1 cock
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
