Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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