So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
