I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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