Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
