New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
