I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
