hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
