Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize