My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am available for nakedness
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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