saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
