i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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