Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize