and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
