I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
