1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
