Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
