Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
