I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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