I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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