I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
