I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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