I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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