I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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