some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
