chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm both gender and math confused
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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