I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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