there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
