Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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