I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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