Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
