In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
