I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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