You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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