winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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