I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
