Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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