he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
