just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
