you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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