then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Randomize