yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
