Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
