i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
