So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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