just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
