I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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