i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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