I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't turn off my feet"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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