You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize