Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
