i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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