we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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