Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
