I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
