I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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