Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
