Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
