Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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