dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
