My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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