is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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