we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize