Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
