Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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