I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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