Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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