No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
