We're facebook friends in real life
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize