Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're a disaster
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