I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
