I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
