I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
