I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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