please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
