The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize