Don't make out with my wife yet
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
