If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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