This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
