just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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