thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
