remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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