I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
