i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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