One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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