oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
